he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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