you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
