I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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