I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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