How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
