home. puking in laundry basket.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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