Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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