So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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