Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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