I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
