I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
