Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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