OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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