Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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