Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize