I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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