she woke up with a sticky ear
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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