does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
