Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
