You really coming over, don't trick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
