Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize