also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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