What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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