Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
