why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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