so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
