He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
