is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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