im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
