Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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