ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
