I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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