I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
