That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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