How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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