if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
