Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
