The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
