I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
