My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
