New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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