2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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