We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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