If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
