i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
