Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
