what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
