i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
