During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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