lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want her autograph on my taint
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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