i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
