I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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