cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
