come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
only if we run a train.
done.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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