He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
