Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
