Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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