laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
