we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
