Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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