I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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