So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize